MetaPorts & MetaMoments

Okay, first let me tell you that the installation of the MetaPort was no little walk in the park. It was definitly it’s own little surgery which was preceded by a long long wait. Me in my johnny, my mum telling stories… waiting… waiting. Until at last I asked if perhaps I should come back at a better time. They assured me that “there is no better time”. Hmmm. Finally after 3 hours of waiting I was brought in to the OR, sedated and implanted. Just enough sedation not to complain, not enough sedation to block out the fact that the Resident was attempting to sew it in and the lead Doctor said twice, “No how about we do it with stitches like this.” Resident sighs and says “Maybe you should do it?” I try to say, “I agree.” Lead Doctor says, “No your doing fine, you’ll get it.” Oi. At least they super glued the outside of me back together.

I spent last night with my mum, Annie, so she could drive me in for my 8:30 appointment to begin chemo. We drove back to Sharon from Woodstock through the snowstorm which was wild and wooley and culminated by driving up the drive way right smack into the output of the tractors snowblower. Major exciting WHITE OUT!  We ate good food, did some nutritional/cancer research and then went to bed.  I got to snuggle and hold hands with my mom before drifting off into dreams of visiting old friends, boat rides with old boyfriends, keeping my kids school pick up times in mind and swimming up murky rivers. Geez, I wonder what that symbolizes.

This morning we arrived right on time (I gotta stop doing that). We waited almost 2 hours before getting in to see the Doctor and then another bit before getting settled into my chemo chair. Oh yeah, I am not calling it chemo any more, I am calling it “CLEANO”. Clean those tumors and cancer cells right outta me! The two bags dripping meds in are called “Future” and “Love” the one I get to take home attached to a pump is called “Self Care”.

I am situated in a  dark blue faux leather lazy boy. I have had a few “nook” mates. One was Deb, from Montpelier, Vermont, battling breast cancer that metastasized to her bones.  BUT after a year of treatments she is now training for a triathalon. She is super smiley and spunky. Great energy, great inspiration.

photo-171From where I sit I can see two little trees, maybe crab apple, maybe choke cherry. One has an abandoned nest atop it that has a fine, tall snow cap upon it.  As I look at them in this beautiful post storm day, ground covered and sparkling in the sun, I am aware that I will be watching them for months to come. I will visit them and sit here and see their leaves appear, their blossoms burst forth, and their fruit rippen. I may be lucky enough to see birds return to the nest and may even see their leaves fall and the cycle begin again. Time moves so quick and I get this opportunity to watch and be aware, conscious of change.  We all wonder where the time goes, how our kids have grown so much, how did we become adults, how did our parents become grandparents, our grandparents pass on. It is peculiar to consciously realize this is my opportunity to watch everything move and take note of all the things that can be missed in each typical every day. Hey! For me, for you, for them; stop right now, breathe, look around at your world, your loves, your life and make note of all you have.

Hugs and smootches to all of you always – Lina

“In the depth of winter I finally learned that there within me lay an invincible summer.” -A.Camus (thanks for that one Elena)

A HUGE PS. I just HAVE to write and say the most serendipitous experience today was that my “cleano” nurse is the beautiful (the picture doesn’t do her justice, as Annie was taking in on the sly from her beltside) Alyssa (pronounced Aliza). Besides the fact that she was so nice, gentle, has great energy, a full head of red Leo hair and explained everything so well (which is tremendous in itself)… the thing is that you know I have been thinking so much about getting back to dance which has always been so important to me from the time I was so little, and that I put it on the back burner for work (the clothing company) and then family life. Part of my lesson in this “cancering” is to take care of myself and dreams. I am far too likely to put other people before myself and have been saying I need a vacation or a spa week for years… this is a crappy substitute in many ways, although while here in “cleano” I had both my lunch delivered to me as well as Reikke, close enough for now.

So the long and short of this winded Ps. is that Alyssa is my intro to this experience and she had a tattoo of my new mantra… “Dance in the direction of your dreams.”  Excellent. Message received. Now let the wild rumpus begin!


meta close




meta port by the light

9 Responses to “MetaPorts & MetaMoments”

  1. Jane Says:

    Lina, Between you and your friends I think you do such an amazing job of teaching a philosophy of Healthy Living.

    [Footnote: This is the first time I have responded to a blog. (Big deal you may say, well for some of us neanderthals it is. I could have gone the rest of my life that way, had it not been for images such as dancing in the direction of your dreams, and invincible summers in the depth of winter, and namely you, i.e. YOU!!!!! Wow, how you can still look so beautiful with that little valve thing is Amazing. Do you remember a decade or so ago the full-page ads from the American Dairy Association showing famous people with milk on their face – well, I think this could take that to a different level.]

    XOXO The L word at infinite item to you and all your household, including the one in Western Mass. of course,
    love, moi

  2. Pam & Harry Says:

    You look so beautiful….metaport and all.
    I loved your description of nature and looking out the window….we often
    look but don’t have time to see.
    I hope the chemo goes well and your dreams give you light.
    I think of you every day.
    This is just a short detour to dancing your dream.
    I think of you on Mondays when I go to my hula class…and dance to Pele
    and the magic that lies in Hawaii….to come to you and bring you healing.
    L, Pam

  3. Amy Says:

    Write more about dancing! When did you begin? what kind? when did it stop and why? (also: what clothes company!?) I am learning so much about you, as you report on this hijacking, and I want to know so much more about you–I want to hear you talk (write) in your exquisite voice about your loves, this back-burner thing that I so identify with, your dreams. Tell me about those. I want to know what you feel like to be pressed up against something while dream bubbles are bubbling…

  4. ellen Says:

    OK Lady. How is it possible to make a metaport look stylish? I mean how do you do that??

    I love your new’s perfect.

    I am looking forward to dancing with you at your big celebration party.

    And remember when Max went home after the Rumpus his dinner was waiting-and it was still hot.

    I love you.

  5. Nicola Says:

    You made me laugh out loud with your description of the Resident. And I agree, you look amazing. It only goes to show that a woman needs only to wear her accessories with confidence. I mean–Bjork’s swan, right?! Enjoy the heat wave!

  6. Michael and Sarah Says:

    Lina – you do make the metaport stylish. You should come to fashionable Burlington and do some trend-starting! Thanks for letting me borrow Adrian the other day. I am sending you a package!

  7. Ann H from Agassiz Says:

    HI Lina,

    I am sending you hugs and love and sunshine.


  8. Sue-Sue Says:

    Hi Lina,

    I was amazed when I read all the other comments and realized that we all had essentially the same take: you can make anything look good. Especially the photo of you and Alyssa, it looks as if you’re her manager reviewing her performance. What it also says to me is that your overall health is holding up well–you’re looking good. And from the rest of your blog, taking the small things in and enjoying the beauty of the people and the creatures around you. And feeling the love. So I will send more…hugs and hugs….


  9. Diva and her mirror family Says:

    so glad for the updates and good news. I had no idea how long it would all take. thank God for modern tech communication and I mean thank ‘God’ b/c thanks to you and nelson mandela I can now use that term without my stomach turning.
    mya and jack have requested another playdate with their pals. can’t wait to see them play without snow.
    Sending lots of love and hugs –
    diva, jamie, mya and jack

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