MetaPorts & MetaMoments

Okay, first let me tell you that the installation of the MetaPort was no little walk in the park. It was definitly it’s own little surgery which was preceded by a long long wait. Me in my johnny, my mum telling stories… waiting… waiting. Until at last I asked if perhaps I should come back at a better time. They assured me that “there is no better time”. Hmmm. Finally after 3 hours of waiting I was brought in to the OR, sedated and implanted. Just enough sedation not to complain, not enough sedation to block out the fact that the Resident was attempting to sew it in and the lead Doctor said twice, “No how about we do it with stitches like this.” Resident sighs and says “Maybe you should do it?” I try to say, “I agree.” Lead Doctor says, “No your doing fine, you’ll get it.” Oi. At least they super glued the outside of me back together.

I spent last night with my mum, Annie, so she could drive me in for my 8:30 appointment to begin chemo. We drove back to Sharon from Woodstock through the snowstorm which was wild and wooley and culminated by driving up the drive way right smack into the output of the tractors snowblower. Major exciting WHITE OUT!  We ate good food, did some nutritional/cancer research and then went to bed.  I got to snuggle and hold hands with my mom before drifting off into dreams of visiting old friends, boat rides with old boyfriends, keeping my kids school pick up times in mind and swimming up murky rivers. Geez, I wonder what that symbolizes.

This morning we arrived right on time (I gotta stop doing that). We waited almost 2 hours before getting in to see the Doctor and then another bit before getting settled into my chemo chair. Oh yeah, I am not calling it chemo any more, I am calling it “CLEANO”. Clean those tumors and cancer cells right outta me! The two bags dripping meds in are called “Future” and “Love” the one I get to take home attached to a pump is called “Self Care”.

I am situated in a  dark blue faux leather lazy boy. I have had a few “nook” mates. One was Deb, from Montpelier, Vermont, battling breast cancer that metastasized to her bones.  BUT after a year of treatments she is now training for a triathalon. She is super smiley and spunky. Great energy, great inspiration.

From where I sit I can see two little trees, maybe crab apple, maybe choke cherry. One has an abandoned nest atop it that has a fine, tall snow cap upon it.  As I look at them in this beautiful post storm day, ground covered and sparkling in the sun, I am aware that I will be watching them for months to come. I will visit them and sit here and see their leaves appear, their blossoms burst forth, and their fruit rippen. I may be lucky enough to see birds return to the nest and may even see their leaves fall and the cycle begin again. Time moves so quick and I get this opportunity to watch and be aware, conscious of change.  We all wonder where the time goes, how our kids have grown so much, how did we become adults, how did our parents become grandparents, our grandparents pass on. It is peculiar to consciously realize this is my opportunity to watch everything move and take note of all the things that can be missed in each typical every day. Hey! For me, for you, for them; stop right now, breathe, look around at your world, your loves, your life and make note of all you have.

Hugs and smootches to all of you always – Lina

“In the depth of winter I finally learned that there within me lay an invincible summer.” -A.Camus (thanks for that one Elena)

A HUGE PS. I just HAVE to write and say the most serendipitous experience today was that my “cleano” nurse is the beautiful (the picture doesn’t do her justice, as Annie was taking in on the sly from her beltside) Alyssa (pronounced Aliza). Besides the fact that she was so nice, gentle, has great energy, a full head of red Leo hair and explained everything so well (which is tremendous in itself)… the thing is that you know I have been thinking so much about getting back to dance which has always been so important to me from the time I was so little, and that I put it on the back burner for work (the clothing company) and then family life. Part of my lesson in this “cancering” is to take care of myself and dreams. I am far too likely to put other people before myself and have been saying I need a vacation or a spa week for years… this is a crappy substitute in many ways, although while here in “cleano” I had both my lunch delivered to me as well as Reikke, close enough for now.

So the long and short of this winded Ps. is that Alyssa is my intro to this experience and she had a tattoo of my new mantra… “Dance in the direction of your dreams.”  Excellent. Message received. Now let the wild rumpus begin!

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Alyssa

meta port by the light