Come with me, take my hand, and we’ll run!

Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement.
Nothing can be accomplished without hope and confidence.
-Helen Keller

I am ready to hold hands with Roger Daltrey and sing out “ I’m Free… I am freeee”. And in many ways I am free, but I still have a CAT scan to pass and to get my skin brooch (metaport) removed.

I am feeling a huge mix of relief, nausea, excitement and exhaustion. On Saturday the visiting nurse didn’t show to release me from the cleano for almost 2 hours. I however, was so ready (and able, after 12 of these), so I unhooked, flushed and bandaged myself as soon as I realized she was one minute late. I have to say, it was extremely cathartic to take the situation into my own hands, to reclaim the power over my body.

We live in such a busy world. Moving here and there constantly doing this and that, constanly letting parts of ourselves slip away. If you are cuddling papa or a mother…a nursing mother… whose body and time provides necessary comfort for those around you it is even easier to lose sense of yourself/ your body. Nine months of medical intervention, chemical pushes, and surgeries can certainly detach a person in a variety of known and unknown ways.

Remember how things still felt new when you were small? Even though you may have experienced them one or more times before. The first day with out shoes in the spring, dew on the grass, cold and wet between your toes. The way a cool sheet falls against your still legs when some one tucks you in. A lost tooth and the way your tongue fits just so into the emptiness, looking at an insect for undetermined amount of time from about 2 inches away. The mystery and dance of dust motes in the light of a still moment.

A new day. There used to be a time when each one of us bounded out of bed to greet the new day, and whatever it had in store for us. Perhaps a pirate fight, a thunderstorm that carried the weight and smells of energetic ions, a rousing game of tag, some time gathered in anticipation around the easy bake oven. No matter what the adventure, we jumped each sunrise at the chance to HAVE that day, to live it. And sure, our “grown-up” responsibilities are tenfold; our time isn’t spent absorbing the wondrous dance off dust motes… But it could be a little more right?

Lovies, I have this chance of changes and newness; metaphorically, spiritually, intellectually and physically. The question keeps returning “how to make it so”. How does one not fall into the same rigamarole that got me here in the first place?

Well, here is my proposal. Each and every one of you has climbed this mountain with me. You have held my hand and I have held yours, you have pushed me forward when I was feeling logy, you have expressed pride and adoration and you have cheered and smiled at all the successes.  Time is too short to wait for perfect moments. Let’s support each other in doing the things we want to, long to do. Take the risks that make you uncomfortable. Help me, help you, and help each other. It isn’t and won’t be easy. These are muscles that have gotten little use for a too long while. Practice patience, love and humor with each other, and with your self especially.

Now is the time, learn to play guitar, try out for the play, lie out in the grass holding hands and watch the clouds go by, even if it means being late for dinner.

Yeah, maybe it seems unrealistic and impossible to live life to the fullest to appreciate each butterflies journey though your eye line, each mote afloat, each moment to run free: and at the same time continue to provide and live a financially viable and successful life. Probably. But I say, what the heck, I can’t think of a greater bunch of people to secede from the union and start our own utopia with.

Ps. don’t forget to dream.

Freedom is a body’s imagination
Freedom is a full-time occupation
Freedom’s in the state of mind- (Shenandoah)