Always a lesson…

Photo 252I am now lingering on the farther side of “cleano” number ten, though not quite done and I loathe to go into any detail about how my belly is feeling so I won’t.

When I posted the last blog, was feeling sort of, well quite sorry for my self. Not that I am going to retract the feeling of lonely I had previously described. No, that is real and a hurdle to be conquered. But right after I put the post up I got my “cleano” partner. His name is Bill. It was his first chemo. He Just turned 50 on June 11th and found out he has inoperable biliary cancer on July 17th.  Stunned, scared and walking that fine line between needing information and not wanting to hear too much. I feel like I did what I could to emote positivity, reality and humor. I hope I see Bill before I am done and see how he is fairing. What a stunner to turn a milestone birthday, thinking you are pretty much fine and then “pow” a big slap of mortality.

But it certainly ended up feeling like a sort of a slap in my face, by my own hand. I look fine. Generally I feel fine. I haven’t lost my hair, my weight has maintained, I get through my chemos fairly well compared o co many people. And here is Bill. bloated from fluid he has to have drained weekly, his skin and eyes completely yellow with jaundice, and loosing weight rapidly. Here he is just starting his journey, mine started 9 months ago and my prospects though somewhat dicely, stage 4 cancer often is, were and now are a lot better than so many of the people I have heard about and come across. I pray that Bill has the stamina, the genes and the response to the intense chemo he is about to experience in order to get through this.

“Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards”- Vernon Sanders Law

5 Responses to “Always a lesson…”

  1. Shajen Says:

    Oh yes my dear so true! Thanks again for sharing your journey…I again come back to how amazing you are and strong and purposeful. You are a gift to us all!

  2. Tracey Says:

    just 2 more to go babe! Right? Almost there! And look how far you’ve come.
    Can’t believe it’s only 9 months. Feels like forever… so I can’t imagine what it feels like for you.
    Holding your hand. Love you xxx

  3. Leslie Wing Pomeroy Says:

    Thank you for not retracting your feelings of loneliness, a powerful catalyst. love you and think of you always. Big kiss

  4. Valerie Miller Says:

    Hi Lina,

    We met you with your parents at an Obama event last year before you found out about your cancer. Since then, we have sent quiet good thoughts to you, moved and inspired by your powerful writing, humanity, and honesty. Your words and those of your friends and family are, as Shajen says, a gift to everyone, a reminder of the human spirit and grace that connects us all if we allow it to. They touch the soul. Thank you.

  5. Rachel Mosedale, an old friend Says:

    Oh yea, you’re back. I was checking most regularly and then got caught up in the drama of my life until today. How lovely to hear about you nearing the finish line and radiating truth and love to all that you encounter. You are truly a delight. I have enjoyed getting to know more about you through this blog. Have the bestest party ever. Sending you much love, Rachel.

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