Realism Vs. Romanticism

As we all know my husband is a painter and a very good painter at that. His perspective comes from one of beauty and Romanticism, think John Singer Sargent. Where as mine is a bit more on the Realism side, not quite Lucian Freud, but pragmatic.

On that note, this surgery has not been a walk in the park, though I have walked on the sparse little black deck. My entire mid section is numb from the epidural, which has been decreased in dosage daily, still is high enough so that I can’t feel my bladder and still have a catheter.My arms are covered in sore bruises from botched needle insertions combined with heperin injections. I haven’t begun to eat solid food, barely had some jello because my intestines are having a hard time waking up. Yep, suppositories… yay and whoo-hoo.

My roommate has become increasingly grouchy since she thought she was only staying for a few days, but has been having various new health troubles. Now she swears and, unfortunately for her, poops her bed frequently. Therefore between that and the wakings for vitals, neither one of us get much sleep at night.

Make no mistake, I am not depressed, disheartened or shell shocked at my experience. It is turning out to be pretty much what I expected. I just felt like it was time for me to check in, say my peace, and get that bar of expectations down to my level.

scarry

This is pretty cute too!

Illusions commend themselves to us because they save us pain and allow us to enjoy pleasure instead.  We must therefore accept it without complaint when they sometimes collide with a bit of reality against which they are dashed to pieces. ~Sigmund Freud

10 Responses to “Realism Vs. Romanticism”

  1. Kathleen De Simone Says:

    egad wicked cool scar!!! I am just thrilled your even noticing your grumpy neighbor!!!lord god the human body really can be annoying as hell!!! you sent me on an artistic quest which I will explain in an email…but knowing Adrian is of a John Singer Sargent bent, no wonder he is ga ga over you..
    damn you should be painted in long black velvet gown, opera length gloves, lots of decollete…oh my your beauty is wondrous….even on the god damn hospital bed you are awesome big smooches oh surprise party photos are posted on facebook…I’ll email you in a second…keep healing

  2. Lizzie Says:

    Your scar is way sexy impressive. And if you get tired of talking about surgery, you can tell people it’s from when you worked as a Ninja Assassin.

    Sorry they aren’t letting you sleep. That is the dumbest aspect of post-op care, in my opinion. I had to stay in the hospital for many days after Dash was born. I had (among other things) freaky high blood pressure. Anyway, they’d wake me up all night to check the blood pressure, and I would get um…we’ll say “annoyed” (“enraged” might be a better word – I do not do well when sleep deprived. I just don’t), and then they would say “Huh, look at that. Your blood pressure is going way up right now” Grr. Really? You think?

    Anyway, I’m still totally amazing by you. You are one tough, cool chick. We are thinking of you and wishing you a speedy recovery and some good rest. (We’ll wish a speedy recovery for your roommate too – hopefully she can go home soon? And not be your roommate anymore. Yes?)

    Much much much much love

  3. Brooke Says:

    That photograph is f@#king powerful…

    … harsh reality or not it has a powerful honest beauty….

    Wow…
    Lina, john singer sargeant to lucien freud… none has seen a beauty like the one that eminates from you my friend…..just shines out.. unstoppable, no matter your mood, or physical state… again…
    you are so powerful… not to mention mushy, lovely, warm, funny, open… blah blah blah…
    oh, and I’ve been keeping up with the positive healing vibes, envisioning them flyin’ out to you… some getting a bit caught up for a moment in the jet stream, it’s comin’ the gosh darned other way…
    but it’s strong juju I got… and so is prevailing….
    thanks for… keeping up, getting better, and bein’ super fantastic
    so much love xoB.

  4. Erik Says:

    You are one tough, resilient and awesome chica! I am so impressed by you (and that scar! It looks like a toothed mouth to scare off any negative spirit juju).
    You have summoned up so much MORE strength and joie de vivre to make it through all the phases of this journey! I feel so deeply inside my bones that that journey includes many more wonderful decades of laughter and wisdom and travel with all of your loved ones!

    these pictures of Jamaica are meant for deep meditation, uplifting of spirits, and focusing…

    I know its Nike, but still…

  5. Ann in Woodstock Says:

    I hear you Lina.
    xo
    ann

  6. Sarah Says:

    Well m’dear, the stories you will be able to tell about that scar! “surfing the tube in Australia when a great white came up and grabbed me! With my ninja skills and awesome physical strength I wrestled that bastard off me and left him huddled in the fetal positions sobbing for his mum!”—yes, that could be one of the tales. A better story, because it is true and in my eyes scarier; is you pushing forward through this illness with such grace, courage and humor. I love you deeply for all that you are, say, and do. I am so very proud to be able to call you my friend. Hugs to you Lina (and to Adrian,Lorna, Bill, Ann, Arthur and all your other wonderful support team over there.)

  7. allie Says:

    whew! that’s a beauty! i hope we’ll be able to ponder it in person in june, we hope to be coming to see you. glad things are progressing along their bumpy, uncomfortable, and perfectly consciously positively healing way.
    much love from us all, as always.

  8. Hans Says:

    You must admit: the surgeons have a sense of humor: they left you with an, albeit crooked, smiley on your belly.
    Glad you are out and on familiar surroundings.

    Love, Hans

  9. Jesse in London Says:

    Yipes! You totally win the coolest scar contest now!

    I read this update last night, but didn’t get around to replying. Helen spotted it first and she said “Lina wrote a message to let us know that it’s not been so easy and it sounds the person she’s sharing the room with isn’t making it any easier.” Even though the news wasn’t all joyful, it is great to hear directly from you Lina. It really helps to have a different perspective on how your time in the hospital is going.

    I’m sure everyone around you has a different way of looking at it, but you’re the one who is stuck in there, so it’s really fantastic to hear your view. We’re still sending lots of healing thoughts to you the whole time.

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