Hallooo, my family, my friends my loves

photo-1741Today is December 30th. We are all wrapping up the last year and getting ready for the New Year. I have been kidnapped by cancer pirates and stuffed into a dark bag of some mysterious future. There seem to be minute holes of light, some I am happy to peek out of, and others, not so much. My dear love, Ellen, suggested perhaps at the end of the journey the bag will open and Johnny Depp will be there in full pirate or gypsy regalia. That would be amazing!

However, what seems way more likely is that all of you will be my emotional and energy saviours/heroes. Already I have felt such calm and peace. I sleep, eat, enjoy my days with family and friends and my nights nestled in sweet slumber  in our super bed (two side-by-side king size mattresses on the floor) with all my babies and my Adrian.

I am not feeling scared about my first surgery this Friday (January 2nd) at Mass General Hospital. Nor I am scared about the chemo I face. Having been through 9 months (combined) of horrible first trimester morning sickness, migranes, etc. I feel capable of facing this hurdle. And although I won’t be blessed with a chubby thighed cherub at the end, I will have freed my body from this cancer.

I am not quite as relaxed about the liver surgery I face in about 4 and 1/2 months, but that may change as I see the results of this upcoming aggressive action. After which I have another 3 and 1/2 months of chemo. This isn’t exactly gearing up to be the 40th birthday gala I had been planning for, but a clear bill of health beats 2+ days of drunken revelry.

I cannot begin to express my adoration and gratitude for the outpouring of love and positive words of encouragement. Your belief in my strength and courage of body and mind helps build upon my foundation. My spirit, my strength and my will to live to a ripe old age with Adrian and all of you and be a grandmother of chubby thighed cherubs is my foundation. What all of you give to me is the beautiful home, wrapped in warm colors, lush fabrics and the flora and fauna of a life  that I have experienced with and learned from each and everyone of you. Home truly is where the heart is. Thank you.

(After tomorrow this blog will be able to accommodate comments responses and notes from you. It will be the way to find out what the most recent status of my treatment and mind is… Please know that when I write I am flooded with the images of all of you and am writing sincerely with each of you in my thoughts, just not the time of energy to be as singularly direct as I wish.)

17 Responses to “Hallooo, my family, my friends my loves”

  1. Brooke Boardman Says:

    Hello and almost Happy Hogmanay from Edinburgh!!
    I am responding as I am so moved….we’ve just returned from Perthshire where we were filled with thoughts of you all!! you were in our hearts and on our lips…I saw the Northern lights and thought of you and how that trail of light was like the current of energy flowing towards you from all corners of this place…We both send you so much love and biggest kisses…and maybe some funny jokes to share…..I’m not sure that this comment is really a comment…but .. ooooo I wish I could give you a big sqeeze! talk to you soon…Thank You for making this blog by the way! It shows creativity, bravery and …..strength… and a wonderful enlightened attitude towards every experience! I feel so happy to have the friend that you are!… So to a New Year that just keeps getting Happier the older it gets!!! xoxoxoxoxox Brooke & Gus

  2. Shajen Says:

    Sending Love, Light, Health, and Happiness to you and your family!!!
    Thanks so much for keeping us informed this way! You are an amazingly brave, courageous, and powerful woman of strong mind, body and spirit. Please let us know if there is anything we can do from our end, kids, food, laughs, etc….
    Sending love and strong positive energy.
    Thinking for you!
    Love and Love,
    Shajen, Cherif and Maya

  3. Hillary Says:

    Lina Deer,

    So good to hear your voice coming through the interweb at a time like this. My thoughts are with you and your family…sounds like it is quite a road ahead but I feel happy for you that you will have the time to focus totally on healing, caring for yourself and being cared for (be it somewhat forced upon you).
    Sleeping in your big bed with all your babies sounds heavenly.
    I’m going to try to figure out how to suscribe to your blog now…hugs and kisses and JOY in the New Year!

    Hillary

  4. willow Says:

    Lina,

    My heart is full of love for you as you go into your first surgery tomorrow. You are so strong and have the best care possible. Rest confident that you are doing all the right things. I’ll be thinking of you and sending lots of good energy your way during the surgery.

    It’ll be good to begin this process of addressing the cancer and walking down this crazy modern path of healing. I can’t wait to actually hug you when the time comes.

    love, Willow

  5. kate Says:

    Darlings,
    we are sending massive amounts of love, healing energy and strength for the days ahead. Tomorrow begins the process so to speak and we will be praying for a day of smooth sailing and healing light all around you. You are now on the path to get 100% healthy. We love you dearly deer Lina.
    kate & dana

  6. Tracey Says:

    Lina Darling,
    You’ll be in my heart tomorrow all day, as you have been constantly.
    You are strong & courageous & amazing – & will get well!
    I love you dearly & send you loads of positive energy & peace.
    Love to all your family.
    Tracey & Lola

  7. diva locks Says:

    my little ones and i are doing an anti pirate dance today! we r all sending the gods messages of good energy, strength and love to you and yours in boston. we love you.
    ps you have always inspired me with your strength
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx00000000000000000000 d

  8. Kristin Albee Says:

    Lina,

    Sending speedy winds to clear away the darkness and send the pirates away full-speed. I fell asleep and woke up this morning thinking of all of you… Jake and I are concentrating all of our love and sprinkling it into the winds headed your way. You are strong and beautiful and wise.

    So much love,
    Kristin and Jake

  9. diva locks Says:

    yeaaahhh! so happy for the update! I have been doing the positive dance all day.
    will she be in icu or a regular room?
    please give her a big diva kiss and hug and tell her i love her.

  10. dana Says:

    Lina,
    YOU ROCK!!!!
    WE LOVE YOU!!!
    Dana Kate India Elias

  11. dana Says:

    We have just polished off the last of the chili Kate made and we have more than enough gas to send your way via Storrow Drive on the healing westerly winds that prevail. Please
    take what you need and do what you will with the rest. But if it helps to encourage your cheeky bad ass self then please please please…to quote Steve Martin “We don’t mind if you fart”! So happy to hear that things went so well. I’m picturing you smiling or maybe even a chuckle or two….
    at the risk of sounding redundant we love you!!!

  12. Shajen Says:

    Hi Lina,

    I am thinking of you sooooo much! I am sending LOVE, LIGHT, GRATITUDE and lots and lots of healing energy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Love
    Shajen

  13. Leslie Says:

    Lina dear,

    Think of you always, glad you are recouperating so well and surrounded by all loved ones. My mom, dad, Erika, Claudia and Tara have been asking about you and are holding you in thought/prayers so, know you are well represented on the Wing side of family. Big kisses to you and yours (all of them) and I look forward to hearing your voice one day soon. Les

  14. lindy Says:

    lina, glad to hear of your good spirits. keep them up.

    you are lucky to have such people around you. be happy for them and laugh as much as possible. surround yourself in comedy, its the best medicine.
    also think about everything you put in and on your body, your skin is the biggest organ on your body, so think about soap. ahhh soap….get a juicer . warming foods, raw, yum.

    my love to you and adrian and the rest of your pretty family.
    josh

  15. diva locks Says:

    glad you made it to mush! hope the other end works out well. it was great to talk with your sister-she let me ask questions and go on about how much i wish i was there. thank you lorna for your answers and patience with me- i feel so far away. look forward to seeing you and the family when the time is right- mya needs her poppy fix and i need my lina fix.

    lots of lots of love to you and your family–
    diva

  16. Delphi Cleaveland Says:

    Lina,
    I haven’t seen you in a really long time but I have great memories of seeing you. To me you are an amazing person both in person and in spirit (through Georgia’s stories and descriptions). I really really hope that you are feeling better soon and that the doctors are trying as hard as they have ever tried in their whole life to get you well again. Keep Rockin’ On!!!!
    Delphi

  17. Gillien Says:

    Dear Lina –
    Wow, I am stunned and saddened at this news . . . and also amazed by your strength and your poetic words. Purple hair! Now that made me smile today!

    I am thinking about you so often and have such a sense of what you are going through. Can’t get comfy to sleep, kids piling on you, too tired to do much but too bored to do nothing.

    I’ll keep thinking positive thoughts for you! If you ever want to commiserate about surgery, chemo, the ups and downs of it all, I’m here.
    love,
    Gillien (and Will, too!)

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